A while back I made a personal goal to not be a yeller anymore. I mean, I never really was *that* bad, but enough that it bothered me. Mostly because it bothers Erin so much. You can just see it in her face and she crumples, and it make me feel terrible that I would do that to my child. So I decided to stop. I wanted to be one of those people that people would say "yeah, she never yells. She's always so calm." I wanted my children to feel safe. I wanted my children to hear what I was saying not the emotion that the tone of my voice made them feel. After all, no real communication can happen when there is yelling happening.
Well, since becoming pregnant I've unfortunately taken a gigantic step backward and I hate it. What's more, Erin has started yelling at Patrick. And it's my fault. So I wanted to make my goal public, so that I feel held accountable for it.
I will not yell at my children. I have control over myself. I am the adult and they are expecting me to make their home a safe haven, and I refuse to keep on failing.
So, I went to Walmart today, and for some reason I went past the gardening stuff. I'm not sure why, I wasn't planning on starting a garden this year, because we're going to moving in June...somewhere. A little Disney Princess flower greenhouse caught Erin's eye, and she really wanted to plant seeds. Right next to it was a much cooler miracle grow kids' greenhouse kit (with 4 kinds of flower rather than 2, and it's acrylic instead of plastic), for the same price, so I talked her into that one.
She was so excited to get to do things on her own.
Putting in the cups
Pouring in the "grow mix"
adding water made it expand (don't know how well you can see it in the pic, but the top 2 are watered, the the bottom 2 aren't)
putting stickers on the stakes
planting the seeds
all done and proud of herself!
She had to take a pic after we got the greenhouse all up
So, of course, I decided we might as well start some veggies too. It won't be *too* difficult to transplant a patio garden. ((Now I want to go to Walmart and get a couple other veggies...lol))
and some other random pictures.
Patrick holding his birthday cake pan that he chose (the elephant won over Lightning McQueen! Go figure)
At the car wash today. Patrick doesn't like it at all. He actually started to fuss before we even got in, but then it turned into total meltdown which took several minutes to recover from after we got out. Poor kid.
Wednesday was grocery shopping day. It was 8 degrees, but the kids loved it. My hair, however, was a little damp and froze. I thought I'd left that behind in Rexburg!
Patrick was "laying" back on the seat of the cart. He was zoning out completely until I pulled out the camera.
I bought Erin some sunglasses. And not Patrick. BIG mistake. I had to go buy him some. lol These were pronounced the "sickest sunglasses ever" by a couple of high school boys behind us in line at Wendy's for lunch.
Erin and Patrick get quite cuddly on the couch sometimes.
I bought a big package of plastic cups because I've converted to disposable everything until I start feeling better (whenever that might be). Patrick found it and decided the cups were good stacking blocks.
And Skittles, sort of! 11 weeks today!
Patrick, trying to put his sunglasses on in preparation to leave the house.
Erin in her sunglasses. Isn't she adorable??
We went to Panda Express today for lunch. Erin was excited to go eat "Panda food!" She loves orange chicken. And then went to Joanne's and scored. lol I'm excited to go "make a page" in Erin's words. lol
I have an incredibly hard time thinking about the future when I'm pregnant. If I let myself get too ahead of myself, I start getting really anxious that things aren't going to go the right way again.
But being so sick, I needed something to lighten my mood, so I went through old pictures. And I can't wait for this moment.
It seems so very far away and so much has to happen in between. But...I can't wait for it. I'd love to stop being sick and be able to really enjoy being pregnant for once, but when I look at those little faces...it's worth it. I'll do anything I have to.
It's interesting...looking over my posts I realize that you don't actually get much of "me" in them. You get the events of my day, and lots of cute pictures of my kids. I talk about them and their personalities, but I don't much talk about me and what's going on in my head. I'm invisible. I guess in a way that's okay, since the purpose of my blogs has always been to let far away family get to know my kids so I don't feel like they or we are missing out.
But today it's bothering me a little. I do feel a little bit invisible in my life. Especially right now, I guess, when I don't have the energy to do much, and that all goes to my kids. I need to figure out a balance between being my kids' mother, and being able to be me.
I got an email this morning from the stake (after I'd showered and gotten dressed!) that our meetings were cancelled because of snow. So we had a lazy day today, during which I mostly caught up on folding laundry.
But I took some pictures too!
Patrick hiding in his blanket
Erin likes to read her books. To herself...
And to Patrick
And to her stuffed animals (you can't see it but she's holding her leapfrog Scout dog)
My single sock pile. Seriously, where do they GO?? I'm getting ready to just chuck them all.
And then Patrick played this game that involved tossing a ball over the chair, and then climbing over it to get it.
Then he played with my slippers
while Erin and Daddy played a game
It was a nice day.
And a video from a couple days ago, Patrick making funny faces while drinking root beer. lol